Fast-forward a few years and my life is drastically different. Better for sure, but different. All of my day to day responsibilities, choices, and actions affect not only me, but also my husband and two little boys. Time spent blogging, tweeting, or reading affects them as well. Procrastinating on the laundry, putting off dinner prep, being selfish...all of it affects someone else. It affects the people that are most dear to me.
That kind of pressure can be daunting. Sometimes overwhelming even.
Parenting requires giving of ourselves 24 hours a day at times. The hours I have to myself are cherished now more than ever, but I never really understood that until having to be on call most hours of every day.
Last night, all I wanted was to sleep. When it was time to slip into bed, I was beyond looking forward to it. Less than an hour into that sleep, Lance needed me. He's been dealing with some sort of virus that's left him with a sore throat. Sleeping on his own is harder than ever for him right now. Last night, just sleeping was difficult. A 3 am, he was wide awake.
During those night time hours, it's hard not to be selfish. Getting frustrated is just a natural response, I guess. As I laid my head down on the couch and tried to snuggle my baby into a position that would make him relax enough to sleep, a verse I haven't thought of in a while popped into my head.
"For you were called to freedom, brothers (or Mothers). Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another. --Galations 5:13
Even though I have been given the freedom to do as I like, to be as selfish as I want, to spend my time how I choose, we are called to use that freedom to serve. And who better to serve than than my husband and kids? Remembering that verse has given me a renewed purpose today. I have the freedom to be selfish, but I also have the freedom to serve. Just because I have children, I am not forced to serve. I don't have to change diapers, make meals, clean up messes, give baths, stay awake most of the night, or any of the other responsibilities that accompany parenting. However, I choose to serve them, the people in my life that matter most.
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